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by beate73
Summary: Her heart broken into a million pieces, she embarks on a journey that will heal her. AH. OOC.


**A/N: **Struggling with a writer's block is hard, especially if it's been two and a half months since last time you wrote something... So today I just started writing something. There was no real thought behind it, just writing something sentence by sentence. This little ditty didn't turn into anything until I was half way through, but it served to take me out of a massive block. Huge, huge thank you to **Zigster** for stepping in literally minutes after I wrote the last sentence to work her magic. I owe her big! So. Hate it or love it, here it is:

**Disclaimer: **SMeyer is the owner of these characters.

I was sitting in front of my computer, wondering what the hell I should write next. But my words were eluding me, it was as if my muse had abandoned me. I had lost count on how many cups of coffee I'd had that day. That week, come to think of it. Hell, I'd been without words for months by now. It was strange sitting in front of the computer, staring at the blank page and not knowing what to put there.

Reading didn't help. Not even when I went outside of my comfort zone when it came to subjects. I'd even resorted to reading newspapers, something I never did. Articles in magazines did nothing to nudge my words, nor did random articles on the web. Not writing anything was frustrating the hell out of me, and I'd been ready to throw the computer out the window too many times to count.

Most days I just sat, staring out the window. Wondering what would become of me if my words didn't come back to me soon. I made my living by writing and I couldn't even write a ramble about anything. I was quickly going through my savings, who knew food could be so expensive? Not that I ever ate much of what I bought anyway. Most of the food I threw out. Thinking about the food I was chucking out, I figured I could save a few bucks by buying less food. But I did drink a lot of coffee. Maybe even a little too much.

The next time I looked out the window, it was dark outside. Puzzled, I looked at my watch. It was seven in the afternoon. Where had the time gone? Clicking through to my document, I could mark down another day where I had written absolutely nothing. The page was as empty as it had been that morning. Sighing, I turned off the computer and got out of the chair. I decided to watch some mindless TV and not think of _him._

It was hard to admit, but I hadn't written a word since he had left. He'd found a new love. Someone who could offer what I could not. The love of my life, my soul mate, had left me for _another man._

I had let my mind go there. I didn't want to, but it did anyway. I sat down on my sofa and broke down. Unable to keep the numbness with me. I felt my heart break all over again. It hurt. A lot. It was as if my soul had left me, I was empty inside. There was nothing there. Why was alive? _How _was I alive?

More months passed me by. I had given up my writing. My words never came back and I stopped pretending I was a writer. Savings gone and a huge pile of bills forced me out of the house. I had to get a job. Something. Anything.

First time I stepped outside in a very long time, I was surprised to see snow on the ground. Where had the summer gone? Realizing I wasn't properly dressed for the season, I trudged back inside to layer up for the weather.

The walk downtown took a lot longer than I liked. Walking was mindless, so I was left with nothing but my thoughts. As always my mind went where I didn't want it to go, to _him. _It didn't hurt as much anymore. I still felt empty. I still felt as if my soul was ripped in half. But I was starting to feel okay.

I didn't have much luck with finding a job until hours later, when I came across a 'help wanted' sign in a shop window. Peering through the glass, I could easily tell it was a coffee shop. Walking inside, I stopped for a few seconds to just enjoy the smell of freshly ground coffee. Looking around quickly, I knew I would feel well working there. It would keep me busy, and my thoughts at bay. I wouldn't have to think of...

Shaking my head, I looked at the guy working behind the counter. He was decent looking, about my age. He was just as tall as... not allowing myself to finish that thought, I quickly walked up to the counter. "Hi, I'm here about your 'help wanted' sign in the window," I said quietly and pointed behind me with my thumb.

The guy introduced himself as the owner and told me his name was Edward. After talking a little about the job, we agreed that I would try it out for size for a week before I was hired. Edward took down the sign in the window and showed me how to work the monstrosity of a coffee machine. It took me the whole day before I was able to steam the milk for the various coffee drinks.

It was a busy shop, with a steady clientèle. People were buying coffee by the bucket, which left me hardly any time to think of _him._

Winter turned to spring before I knew it. In no time at all Edward had become my best friend. We'd had several drunken nights at the coffee shop after closing time, where we had shared our sordid pasts. It turned out Edward was a lot younger than he looked. His marriage and subsequent divorce had taken their tolls on him. He'd married his high school sweetheart right out of high school, and being how young they were, their marriage had been rough. It had been an ugly divorce, but in the end Edward had been happy to see his ex go.

I told him about losing my fiancé to a man. Having someone to talk to about losing the most important person in my life, made me feel lighter. It gave me the ability to finally process what had happened and put it behind me. I would always miss Jasper, and I would never really stop loving him. But finally, I was at a place where I could move on with my life.

Spring turned into summer, and with summer came a nostalgic feeling. I wanted someone new in my life. I wanted someone to love, someone to call my own again. I was finally ready to love once more.

We had one of our drinking nights after hours when Edward leaned in to kiss me. It was a quick kiss. Sweet. I was so surprised by it, I almost forgot how to breathe. Edward? Really? I stared at him for the longest time, as if seeing him for the first time. He had green eyes that sparkled every time he smiled. Messy, red-brownish hair that looked incredibly soft, and a wicked smile that could make even middle aged women giggle. I had seen women of all ages blush when Edward threw his smile at them.

Looking at Edward, I could see him swallowing hard. He was nervous. But he was patiently waiting for my reaction while I processed the kiss. If you could call it that. It had been too quick to really make any judgment of it.

I scooted closer to Edward, and reached out to put my hands in his hair. It was even softer than it looked. It was like touching silk. Leaning in, I touched my lips to his. They were soft, firm and warm all at once. Edward quickly took control of the kiss. His tongue felt raspy and soft, and tasted of wine. The way he moved his tongue against mine, made my tummy tingle.

As we were kissing, Edward kept looking me in the eyes. The color of his eyes was shifting, going from light ocean green to dark forest green. Gazing back into his eyes, I wondered what Edward saw. My hair was brown and in a desperate need of a cut, and my eyes were a dull brown. I was happy being a brunette, but I never much liked my eyes. I had always wanted a vibrant color like blue or green.

Again I was thinking too much. My mind was too busy. So I closed my eyes and just let myself feel. I focused on the feel of Edward's lips against mine. My hands were still in his hair, so I let my mind focus on that sensation for a little while before I let my hands wander down to his shoulders. I could feel the strength in his muscles there. Excited to have a man in my hands again, I let one hand slide down his back and the other down his chest. The man next to me was all firm muscle, which made the tingles in my tummy move further south.

The tingling got stronger when I felt Edward's hands on my breasts. He was careful, barely touching me, but it made me squeeze my legs together and shift around a bit. I was about ready to jump Edward and find the release my body was craving, when he stopped kissing me. Sighing, Edward rested his forehead against mine while he looked me in the eyes.

"Bella, I really like you, but I don't know if we should be doing this," he finally whispered. We talked for hours about why it would be wrong for us to go any further. It made sense to chalk up the kiss to too much alcohol. There were about a hundred reasons to why we should call it a kiss between friends, but there were just as many reasons to why it could be right for us to take things where we both wanted to take them.

In the end we agreed to go very slow, we'd both been badly burned by our pasts and having our hearts broken like that again would have killed us. We spent months doing nothing but kissing and getting to know each other. I wanted so many times to take matters into my own hands, but I stopped myself every time. I was frustrated, but knowing I wasn't the only one, made it bearable.

It was winter again and a new year had begun before we finally gave in to each other. I was in love with Edward, but the love I felt for him was nothing like the love I'd felt for Jasper. With Jasper it had been all consuming and fierce. I'd fallen hard for Jasper and I'd fallen hard when he'd left me. My love for Edward was slow building, but it connected me to Edward in ways I'd never connected to Jasper.

Jasper had ripped my soul apart, but Edward was slowly putting it back together. Every day I loved him just a little bit more, every day I felt just a little bit more complete. I was a far cry from who I had been, but I felt more at home with who I had become. It was as if I was finally becoming who I was supposed to be all along.

It took me years, but the day had finally come for me to dig out the laptop from the drawer I had hidden it in, and boot it up. When my computer was up and running, it was like saying hello to an old and dear friend. The white page wasn't daunting anymore, instead it was like an empty canvas. A promise of great things to be written. Having been lost for years, the words came flying back to me again. They came tumbling out of my head at such a speed, I couldn't write fast enough.

It was with great satisfaction I was able to write 'the end' at the completion of a very long document with too many words in it. My editor would be very happy to get something new from me. With a happy sigh and a smile I turned off my computer and gently rubbed my tummy. For the first time since Jasper had left me, I felt complete peace. I hoped that some day, my child would be proud of its mommy. Still smiling, I turned off the lights in my office and walked towards my bedroom, where Edward was waiting for me in our bed.

**A/N: **Hopefully now that I'm writing again, next chapter of Magnetism won't be too far off. In the meantime, I hope you leave me some love. :)


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